Scared SAJA

I never thought I would get the chance to go to SAJA's annual Convention in NYC. I've been a member of SAJA for nearly four years now-- but hesitantly. The South Asian Journalists Association is a great organization that provides South Asian Journalists with not only job opportunities but forums and discussions about South Asian topics. It also updates members on events happening throughout the country and can be used as a network for budding journalists, such as myself.
Hesitantly--why you may ask. I'm here to tell you that being in a room full of Indians is strange for me.
Yeah--weird--I know.
I've been brought up in the United States and have lived in predominantly white American neighborhoods and attended predominantly white public schools (with the exception of college...it's private...so...it's even MORE white...). For the majority of my life I've been surrounded by white Americans and there is something comforting about that--oddly enough. I think my problem is this: For the 20 years I've been alive I've always lived outside the box; been the one that makes a statement (without saying anything); always have been the minority.
When I first signed up for the Convention I was elated! I was beaming with joy at the fact that I will be surrounded by fellow journalists who strive for diversity and have the same passion and dream to see newsrooms around the country diverse with not only South Asians but with other races as well.
But now, the Convention is approaching and my stomach is doing flips. I feel the same way I felt when my flight from Germany was landing in Mumbai--minutes away from seeing the family I always heard about. Inches away from the city my father told me stories about, the people my parents can truly connect to. I am so distant from that life, those people.
I am very proud to be Indian but I am nervous to be in the same room with people who probably can relate to India better than I will ever be able to. It is what holds me back from truly connecting with Indians. I get nervous around Indians. I feel like they judge me as an ABCD.
I feel like the family member who hasn't shown up for the last 20 family reunion picnics and suddenly pops out of nowhere. I know, I'm paranoid--I'll get over it.
In the end we're not Indian or American or Indian American--we're just journalists.